Alice in the Heart’s English Translation (Part 4)

After the uncomfortable experiences at Hatter Mansion, I needed a break and decided to go back to the guy who felt the most “normal” of these Wonderland hotties. So I returned to the Clock Tower to stay with Julius Monrey, the Clock Maker.

The color of the text boxes denotes the person speaking:

• Pink: Alice is talking out loud
• Gold or Green: Alice is thinking to herself
• Blue: Someone else is talking to Alice

Clock Tower Intro

The Prologue to the game is filled with some of the most bizarre mistakes I’ve ever seen. I’m happy to report that the Clock Tower intro is on par with what we saw there.

"I came up to on the tower again after climbing all the way of that drawn-out stars." (in other words, there are a lot of stairs)

"Wee--I, I kind of....."

"In fact, I also had such a hard time as a splatter."

"......Because he escaped from the fail."

"....you behave as facing down and up quickly and then started glaring."

"It is hard to tell a real handsome man a compliment that can set our teeth on edge."

"Don't star."

(Translation: she doesn't want to sleep on the floor.)

"Julius Monrey is quite good share friend taking it no serious about the dream."

"I get asleep when the night comes."

"Julius cleared his through..."

"After in a sweat, no need to take a bath, without knowing we are clean. (I like bath, so I do even no need)."

"If it had happened, I would like to tear the head."

"....I would fail down."

"Whichever it is a dream or the dream in a dream, it has no difference to be a dream."

(heart heart heart)

(The crush/crash thing is a common J to E translation mistake. Read about this and see more examples here.)

Julius Monrey’s Route

At last, a guy who prefers to focus on his work instead of goof off with axes and guns. I learned in this route that the inhabitants of Wonderland have clocks in their chests instead of hearts, which is why Julius’ job is so important. Ace also visits a lot.

(Use your words, Julius.)

"......Y."

"I'm not frowned when I have good coffee."

"Ace looked into a shopping back with some meaning words."

"They come to talk about clockes and clocks or to get their clocks repair."

"I don't feel I'm in asleep......" (Very close to the classic "I feel asleep" mistake from Metal Gear. See more classics in the Bad Translation Hall of Fame.)

"You have a muddled head? Don't say quibble."

"....otorhinolaryngology....." (Very big word that I have never heard used in normal conversations.)

".....Been jealous."

".....If you think we are, that's what we're, then." (the weirdest use of "we're" I've seen)

".....hyperpnoea." (Another big word I've never heard used in normal conversations.)

"Tick tack-tick tack." (Tack/tock is another common mistake. Read about simple vowel swaps here.)

(That's a lot of words to say something as simple as, "Her beautifully manicured fingernails caressed my skin.")

(Another tack/tock mistake. The people of Wonderland having clocks instead of hearts is a really neat idea.)

".....Hu." (unlocalized laughing sound)

(Woo, for this.....)

".....Tut!?"

"I'll nerver let you go."

Now that’s a good ending. A shy and loving guy who will “nerver” let Alice go. I also got to see a little more of Nightmare’s story, but I still have no idea why he vomits blood in everyone’s route. Will the game ever explain that?

Next time we’ll head to the amusement park to date a guy who’s terrible at music, and a human form of the Cheshire Cat. I’m already partway through the cat’s route and it’s….. creepy and not fun.