This Be Bad Translation #17, Alice in the Heart ~Wonderful Wonder World~ !

27 Comments
This is Part 2 of my project to document the poor text translations in Alice in the Heart ~Wonderful Wonder World~. For more project details and to start from the very beginning, see here.

Part 2

Alice treks over to the Hatter Mansion and is instantly attacked by Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum. They’re the lazy guards of the Hatter Family Mafia. The Mad Hatter’s name is Blood Dupre and he’s the boss. His number 2 guy is Elliot March, the March Hare. There’s also a guy with an eyepatch called Nightmare who shows up in Alice’s dreams and vomits blood for some reason.

The color of the text boxes denotes the person speaking:

  • Pink: Alice is talking out loud
  • Gold or Green: Alice is thinking to herself
  • Blue: Someone else is talking to Alice

Hatter Mansion Intro

Elliot March’s Route

Blood Dupre insists that Alice stay at the Hatter Mansion as his guest. Alice accepts and starts getting close with Elliot, whose favorite food is carrots. She also roams around and visits people in other territories.


Well, looks like Alice is spending the rest of her days bobbling with Elliot in this ending. In the next update I’ll be going after Blood Dupre and the Tweedles Dum & Dee. The twins are pretty weird and Blood kinda scares me, so I can’t wait to see how that goes.

(…and what the heck is swollen water?)

27 Comments
  1. “Heroin, heroine” is the kind of mistake I’d expect from a native grade schooler, not a foreigner. Unless it’s literal and referring to waking up after a heroin dose.

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    1. In Dutch you’d use the word heroïne for heroin, so yeah some foreigners would genuinely make that mistake.

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      1. Wonderful wonder world magic fills the air
        Wonderful wonder world it’s a winner of you’re there
        Wild rides and water slides, roller coasters sing
        Being to life the new excitement, all your cars take Queen
        In Wonderful wonder world happiness is king

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    2. Interdimensional Observer

      I don’t think there is definite evidence to confirm or deny it, but heroin supposedly did get its name as an advertising ploy to say it makes you feel like a hero. This was before it became the drug of evil it is only known as now.

      So much good bad translation here. The best nuggets have already been identified. Although Alice is very calm as she thinks about if she has had any regrets in life. Couldn’t afford another facial expression?

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      1. NoLongerBreathedIn

        Not so much advertising ploy as the discoverer thought it made him feel heroic.

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    3. The drug and the “female hero” definitions use the exact same word in spanish, so that’s another language that could be tripped up by that. Also the name of the drug comes from the word “hero” to begin with. It’s not a weird mistake, but it is rather silly.

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  2. This constantly veers between “hilariously awful” and “nigh unreadable,” and I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to process it.

    That said, “Jumping Jesus” is a phrase that’d make for some good merchandise material.

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  3. “I inspire my fist” could be a pretty good line in certain contexts. This… isn’t one.

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    1. It sounds like something a Bard/Monk multiclass in a D&D game would say before punching someone.

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      1. What ho, Muscle Wizard! Might you cast us a spell?

        Ho Ho Ho Ho! Of course, young adventurer!

        I CAST FIST

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  4. I had to read it all twice before I figured out that the red text box is Alice speaking out loud, the gold text box is Alice thinking, and the blue text box is another character speaking. That made it a little easier to understand… but then I can’t tell what is supposed to be absurd in an alice-in-wonderland sort of way, and what is absurd because it was translated by a gibbon with a keyboard :S

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    1. I’ll be sure to point that out in my next update. Sometimes Alice thinks in a green text box too! D:

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  5. Isn’t that just Google Translate or something similar? It reads pretty much exactly like the Japanese wikipedia pages I auto-translate sometimes to gleam bits of info on obscure Japanese stuff.

    “Several tens of minutes” almost sounds poetical in a medieval sort of way.

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    1. I feel it’s a combination of bad human translator and bad machine translation. I don’t feel a machine would write “tow” instead of “two”, translate”Jumping Jesus” out of “!”, use the word “smooth’s”, etc.

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  6. It’s weird, but having a bit of knowledge into Japanese speech patterns helps make this more comprehensible. It’s like the translation got partway out the gate before getting stuck and started flailing.

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    1. Yeah, I’m really getting a “Japanese speaker with an extremely rudrimentary understanding of English trying to translate word by word/setphrase by setphrase” from this.

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  7. “Jumping Jesus” reminds me of Phoenix Drive, an infamous (18+) fangame which seemed like it had a bad machine translation, except that it had Phoenix Wright saying “cool beans” repeatedly.

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    1. “Oh snap! I do not hear such a truth?!”

      This and Phoenix Drive both seem like the product of a native Japanese speaker with rudimentary fluency in English (in other words, they took English classes in high school a few years ago and did OK I guess) translating dialogue with a J-to-E dictionary and picking out the word or phrase they liked the best.

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    2. I will beat my rod til… a tank empties!

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  8. Beyond the bad translation, I couldn’t help but notice that Elliot March is HUGE!

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  9. Interdimensional Observer

    O oh o-tome it’s gold mine!

    Just so much bad translation to love here. The usual nonsensical poorly phrased English, but also some wacky non sequiturs, like the Mafia and woooorst shit lines.

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  10. Are we sure Blood here wasn’t supposed to be “Brad”, or possibly “Vlad”? They’d all be spelled ブラッド in Japanese.

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    1. I like where your head’s at.

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    2. I was wondering about that too. And the twins’ route is called “Bloody Twins”, but it could also technically be “Bratty Twins”. I’ll see if I can find some Japanese materials that show the names in English.

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  11. Puts down his tongue was probably “shitauchi” or making the “tch” sound.

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  12. “Julius swings the tool and looks unpleasant (Deeply unpleasant he looks).”

    That is some Yoda stuff right there.

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  13. “….. If I had someone like that, I wouldn’t let her go even if I had to loose both of my legs. I would swear to be gauged in my heart if I ever cheated.”
    “I fall myself. Just like needles do.”

    Ok, I’m guessing this is supposed to be a pinky-swear/swallow a thousand needles thing? Also, euurgh, you’re right about that “happy” ending.

    Reply

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